Forgotten
by Relatable Alien
Summary: AN- just a small project I've started to ease back into my writing. Settings will change as I go. (NOT ENSIGN SCOTT) Nat wakes up disorientated and alone. Trouble is sure to follow. Trouble is where it all began.
1. Chapter 1

"BEEP! BEEP! BEEEEEP!"

My alarm screamed from across the room. I reached out to switch it off, willing away the dawn for another night's sleep. When my hand contacted nothing but empty air I opened my eyes.

_What? Where am I? _I sat up instantly, not recognising my room from my current vantage point of head lying on textbooks on desk.

I regretted sitting up before I'd even moved. My neck hurt, my back hurt, my brain hurt. Catching a glance of myself sidelong in the large mirrors which served as rolling doors to my wardrobe, I noticed the black ink of the textbook page had managed to seep into my skin.

"Dammit," I breathed under my breath, standing with the intention of heading to the bathroom to scrub the offending marks from my face. My legs had other ideas however. Finding myself now sprawled on my floor surrounded by my own mess, I couldn't help but ponder my circumstance.

I'd never fallen asleep at my desk before. What was I doing at my desk late enough to fall asleep?

My memory provided no answers, leaving me as oblivious as where I'd started.

Groaning as I pushed myself to my feet once more, this time more slowly as I had no intention of ploughing into the wall, I blinked furiously as my head panged. I sat with a slump on my chair, examining my workspace. Textbooks and papers littered my local vicinity, spreading out to encompass part of the floor and most of the bed. The bed! How welcoming those covers looked! How soft the pillow! I could almost feel it, lifting my head like a cloud, as my brain threatened to return me to my sleeping state.

Beneath all the books, a brief buzzing interluded the fuzziness of my brain. _Communicator. Left side of desk. Beneath "Warp Drive: A Complete History - 2063 to 2348". _WHAT?! WARP DRIVE?!

I looked around my room with wide eyes. The beige and cream walls glared at me, bare of decoration. A panel on one wall was the only identifiable feature. No windows.

The floor beneath my feet vibrated steadily. I wouldn't have noticed it if they weren't bare.

"I'm on a spaceship," I deduced, staring at the floor and blinking. The door beeped, gaining my attention. "Hello?" I called uncertainly. It opened with a swoosh, revealing a busy corridor outside. A lone figure entered, a woman with bizarrely curly black hair, black eyes and a lilac jumpsuit.

"I tried calling you on your communicator but you didn't answer," she spoke quickly, entering the room as the door closed behind her. I looked around the room and blinked, my mouth opening and closing as I struggled to form words. _What is going on?_ "Are you feeling okay?" the woman eyes me cautiously, stepping slowly closer. "Nat? Are you feeling alright?" Nat... that's my name... who was this woman?

Swallowing down, I attempted to speak. "No," I managed to control the muscles of my diaphragm, throat and tongue long enough to speak. My breathing through my nose quickened, growing in volume.

"Calm down, it's alright," the woman went to my side. She reached out, holding my hand reassuringly. Her grip felt familiar, but that was it.

"What happened, I don't remember," I spoke quietly.

"I'm Counselor Troi, you're on the Enterprise," Counselor Troi explained. _The Enterprise... why does that name ring a bell?_ "I think you should come to sickbay..." Counselor Troi's voice faded off. I clenched my fists and leaned forwards, holding my head in my hands. _The Enterprise. Now I remember._


	2. Chapter 2

Stepping into sickbay, memories returned in a flood. I could see the bodies on the biobeds, the reek of burnt flesh, the cries of children. My own cries were among them. Surely there was something that could be done. Some way that she could have been saved.

"Natalya, what seems to be the problem?" a red haired woman strode towards me. The room was empty, the biobeds cleaned up. The smelt of burnt flesh was replaced with the sterile stench of antiseptics and disinfectant.

"She's disoriented," Counselor Troi explained. "Her mind is... foggy." She could tell all this from her Betazoid abilities. The red haired woman guided me to a biobed.

"Just take a seat," she instructed, pulling out an instrument from her pocket. _Tricorder_, I corrected myself. She scanned up and down my body. "Can you describe the symptoms?" Dr Crusher asked me, looking into my wide eyes.

"I can't remember..." I mumured, my voice dropping off. She gave me a concerned glance and turned to Counselor Troi.

"She means she has memory loss," Counselor Troi explained. She lowered her voice, trying to whisper so I couldn't hear. "She didn't even know she was on the Enterprise until I told her."

"You trust her?" the red haired lady whispered back, glancing back at me skeptically.

"She's telling the truth, her memory is foggy," Counselor Troi repeated. They turned back to me.

"Natalya, can you remember anything that's happened to you?" the red haired woman asked. I looked around the room, blinking.

"There were bodies here," I whispered. The women shared a glance. "The smell... I can remember the smell of them. People were crying. I was crying." I blinked and looked down at the floor. My brain screamed at me to stop, to let the memories fade.

"Anything else?" the red haired woman said gently.

"Waking up in my quarters," I frowned. "I'd fallen asleep at my desk. Why was there a book about the history of warp drive?..." The two women looked at each other, their eyes speaking volumes. Something was wrong with me. "What's happened, why can't I remember anything?"

"I'll do some scans and run some tests," Dr Crusher assured me. She looked over at Deanna.

"She can't talk to Captain Picard in this state," Deanna murmured to her.

"I know, but there isn't anything I can do about it until I know what the problem is," Dr Crusher whispered back. I pretended I couldn't hear them. I didn't want to hear them. I wanted to go home, wherever home was. I couldn't remember.


	3. Chapter 3

_Who am I? _It was as good a place to start as any. I lay on a biobed, waiting for Dr Crusher to diagnose whatever was wrong with me. Something had to be wrong. I didn't even remember her name until a nurse with kind eyes and friendly smile spoke to her. The nurse watched me closely. Her eyes were kind to everyone else, but something changed when she looked at me. _What have I done? Why can't I remember anything? Please, please let me find some answers! _It was no use.

I was on the Enterprise. I was alone. No family, no friends. _But I know what family and friends are! How can I know that in most families there is a mother, a father and children? How do I know that people in my culture were persecuted for wanting a family with two mothers or two fathers? How do I know that the Enterprise is a galaxy class starship, flagship of the Federation equipt with several banks of phasers and photon torpedoes? Why do I feel like I am constantly being watched?..._

The chill running up my spine distracted me momentarily, long enough for me to lose my train of thought and look up as a new figure entered the room. Muscular, broad shoulders, stern expression. _This can't be good. _My eyes moved slowly down his body, stopping at the belt around his waist, staring at the phaser on his hip.

_Run. _My first reaction. I clumsily slid from the side of the biobed, stumbling away. Dr Crusher noticed immediately.

"Woah, where do you think you're going?" she came up to me with a hypospray in hand, trying to guide me back to the bed. Clenching and relaxing sweaty palms, my body shook as my breathing quickened. "Calm down, it's alright," Dr Crusher tried to comfort me. She didn't want to use the hypospray unless it was absolutely necessary.

"Is there a problem?" a deep man's voice sounded behind me. I froze, shaking slightly.

"No, everything's fine," Dr Crusher dismissed him. "Why don't you stand near the door ensign, I have everything under control." I stared into her blue eyes as his footsteps moved away behind me. Letting air come back into my lungs, I closed my eyes. _Why did I do that? What is wrong with me?! _"Are you okay?" Dr Crusher asked me quietly. I shook my head. _Okay? I've lost most of my memory and am jumping at shadows! I AM ANYTHING BUT OKAY! _"Just sit down, everything's alright, I'm right here." Dr Crusher guided me back to the biobed with a hand on my elbow. I sat obediently, staring at my hands as they shook. "Do you want me to give you a hypospray?" Dr Crusher asked. I looked up, eyes widening, shaking my head. She put the hypospray back in her pocket, then held up her hands to show me they were empty. "Okay," she gave me an odd look.

"I'm frightened, why am I frightened?" I murmured, holding her eyes with my own green hazel ones. My hands still shook.

"You really don't remember anything from before you woke up?" Dr Crusher asked in disbelief. Tears welled in my eyes. I shook my head as one of them rolled a path down my cheek. She reached out and put a hand on my shoulder. I flinched at first. Something about human contact set me on edge. But I let her keep her hand there.

Her hand was large with manicured nails. I'd seen a hand like that before, felt its tender touch on my skin. I'd known I couldn't trust that hand, but I'd fallen for its charms and suffered as the result. What that suffering was, I couldn't remember. I wasn't sure if I was happier having forgot.


	4. Chapter 4

I stayed in sickbay the entire day. A guard remained nearby at all times. When lunch started, the sickbay almost emptied except for him, standing watch, hand hovering over his phaser. I tried not to stare, but I couldn't help it. His face was so stern, so rigid, it seemed unnatural. It was unnatural.

"You've been administered a high dose of a very specific drug that targets your memory," Dr Crusher explained to me at last. "Your motor skills and speech have been unaffected, however all memories you had were destroyed."

"What do you mean, how were they destroyed?" I frowned, confused by this new development. Dr Crusher glanced at Counselor Troi, who nodded.

"The connections in your brain have been... damaged," Dr Crusher explained. My breath caught in my throat as a sick feeling simmered in my gut. _Damaged?_ "I've done a scan. The drug was thorough. All connections to those parts of your brain are destroyed. I'm sorry, there's nothing I can do to repair this kind of damage." I looked down at my hands. They'd been shaking the entire day and were still doing so now. "The drug hasn't seemed to affect any other systems in your body. I'll need to take a blood sample so I can determine its original while it's still in your system."

"Fine," I said numbly. _Destroyed. All my memories. My friends, my family, my enemies. How could I know who to trust anymore? How could I know who to distrust? _Dr Crusher put the device against my arm.

"This might sting a bit," she told me before activating the device, drawing out a sample of my blood. I watched as the red liquid filled the canister connected to the device. When it was full, she pulled it away, leaving one droplet on the surface of my skin. She wiped it off with a tissue, removing all traces. "I'm keeping you in overnight for observation. I'm sorry." She headed out to the lab to begin tests.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Counselor Troi moved to stand in front of me. I just kept staring at my hands. _I'm going to have to start from scratch. In the meantime, I can't trust anyone here. But I need to trust them. What else do I have? They've helped me so far. Unless this is all part of their plan... Why did this happen to me? _"Nat..." She leaned forward to look me in the eye. I turned away. Lavender scent drifted to my nose. Breathing in deeply, I could feel calm spread through my limbs, starting at my core until even my hands stopped shaking. _That smell... lavender... that was her smell..._

"That smell... lavender..." I murmured absently. Something tickled at the back of my mind, something I was eager to catch but every time I tried to reach for it, it would scamper back into the thoughtless void.

"You're remembering something?" Counselor Troi asked in a low voice. I frowned. _Am I remembering something? Or do I just like this_ smell?

"That smell, lavender, that's what she smelt like..." I said quietly.

"What who smelt like? Nat, this is important. Can you tell me who smelt like lavender?" Counselor Troi's had a level of severity I'd never heard before. _Who? _It was no use. The harder I searched the worse I felt. I looked up at her, tears welling and spilling.

"I can't remember," I whispered. "I'm trying to remember, but all I feel is... lonely... despair... grief..." _I don't even know who I'm grieving_. A sour taste of bitterness bit in my throat.


	5. Chapter 5

I only noticed I'd gone to sleep when I woke to the sound of quiet voices nearby. They were so soft, I couldn't make out their conversation. Slowly, I turned over and glanced at the door. Just as when I'd gone to sleep, a security officer stood rigidly there, blank faced and observing everything.

"Good, you're awake," Dr Crusher made her way over to me. I looked up at her, eyes wide and glassy. "How are you feeling?"

"My head hurts," I admitted. She saw me glance over at the guard. "Is he really necessary? I can't even remember my own family, how am I meant to know where I can escape to?" I asked quietly. She opened her tricorder, scanning me up and down.

"It's the effects of the drugs as they leave your system," she informed me. "It should pass by this evening." She leaned in closer. "The guard is as much for your protection as ours." Her raised eyebrow gave me a leaden feeling in my stomach. Not my stomach, lower, deeper, and much heavier. Suddenly every hiss of the door opening brought a new sense of dread. _Who do I need protecting from?_

"Nat, you have a visitor," Counselor Troi interrupted my thoughts, entering with a tall, slim man with a trim beard. He wore flowy green robes. He came up to me, grasping my hands.

"Natalya, are you alright? I came as soon as they'd let me," he insisted, squeezing my hands tightly. I flinched back instinctively. The hairs on the back of my neck raised, my hands shaking in his grip, breath quickening. "Natalya, don't you recognise me?" I shook my head, staring at him. "It's me Nat, Jeva. We were neighbours for eight years." I looked over his shoulder at Counselor Troi then back at him.

"Please, let go of my hands," I asked in a small voice. Something wasn't right, I could feel it in my gut. He let them go and I immediately drew them back to me, hugging my sides in an attempt to hide their shaking. "I'm sorry, I have no idea who you are."

"She's really forgotten everything?" Jeva turned back to Counselor Troi. She just gave me a sad look. Jeva turned away. "I must go." He left without another word. I turned back to Counselor Troi.

"Dr Crusher and I thought it might help bring some memories back," Counselor Troi explained to answer my inquiring look. "Did you feel anything?"

"Confusion and fear, but no memories," I looked away, still shaking. _Something doesn't feel right... who was that man? _Dr Crusher came back out of her office, heading straight towards Counselor Troi and me.

"I've done some experiments on the blood sample I took from you," she informed me. I sat up straight, paying keen attention. "The good news is, it shouldn't damage any other tissue. The bad news is I can't find anyway of reversing the damage it has caused. You're able to make new neuron connections, so theoretically you could recover most of your memory with the right stimuli." I looked down. _Theoretically. __  
_

"Memory works by means of association," Counselor Troi explained to me. "If we can trigger something associated with the memory, - sound, smell, taste, image, physical sensation - you might be able to access the memory given time."

"That's what you were trying to do with Jeva, wasn't it, see if I could recover some of my memory," I pieced it together.

"There is another possibility," Dr Crusher reasoned. When I looked up at her, she could tell how desperate I was for her to continue. "Some of your memories might also be instinctive, responses built up over many months or years. If we can activate some of those, they may lead to deeper memories."

"How do we do that?" I asked eagerly. Dr Crusher bit her lower lip, making eye contact with Counselor Troi. _Uh oh... _

"We'll need to create a situation which relies solely on instinctive decisions," Dr Crusher said, eyes still locked with Counselor Troi's.

"Beverly, I don't think that's a good idea, not yet, she isn't ready," Counselor Troi said quietly.

"Not ready for what?" I interrupted. They both looked at me.

"You have no idea of anything that happened to you before coming on board the Enterprise?" Dr Crusher asked me. I shook my head solemnly.

"She's telling the truth," Counselor Troi told her. A shiver ran down my spine from the look in their eyes. Sadness, pity and deep regret.

"I think you should be told why you're on board," Dr Crusher told me. She pressed the badge on her uniform. "Captain Picard, do you have a minute sir?"

"Yes Dr Crusher?" Picard's voice sounded. I watched intently, but she headed into her office, talking in a low voice. In my head all the alarm bells were ringing. My hands began shaking again. _What are they going to do to me? What happened to me? _I didn't have any answers.


	6. Chapter 6

"Where are we going?" I asked as Dr Crusher led the way through the ship. Counselor Troi walked behind me, the guard following behind her. _Making sure I don't give them the slip no doubt_.

"Captain Picard should be the one to explain this to you," Dr Crusher told me, forwarding into a lift. We all piled in with her. "Observation lounge," she ordered it then fell silent, staring at the wall as the lights signified the deck change. The doors opened and we went out in the same order as before. We walked in silence into a room which had a long dark table and chairs around it. To the side, windows showed a view of a planet glowing with fire. I stared in awe as it swirled, as if liquid lava had flooded the surface.

One of the chairs was occupied by a bald man in a red uniform. He glanced out the window as I stared then looked back at me. My mouth suddenly felt dry as I was led to a chair and sat. _Is that my home? What happened? _

"Natalya, I am Captain Picard," the bald man explained. The escort guard waiting outside the door. He pulled down on his shirt, shuffling in his seat a little to make himself more comfortable. _Just get on with it. Put me out of my misery, please._ "Dr Crusher has informed me that you've suffered some memory loss." _Some? SOME! I CAN'T REMEMBER A THING AND YOU CALL IT **SOME** MEMORY LOSS?!_

"That planet out there..." I murmured, pointing at the window. "Is that my home?" He nodded. "What happened?" He leant forward, putting his hands together before him.

"There was an attack," he told me in a low voice. "We are currently investigating it." _Attack... the bodies in sickbay... _

"Oh," I mumbled numbly, staring down at the table. _My home... gone... my memories... gone... _

"Currently we're trying to determine who made the attack," Picard went on in a low voice. "We have reason to believe an extremist terrorist group from the planet may have caused it. All the weapons that were used were built from the planetary weather control satellites." I glanced up at him.

"My memory loss... I was drugged..." I said quietly. "Did I know something, is that why someone did this to me?"

"That's what we believe," Picard agreed.

"And if I remember they might try and kill me," I stared up into his eyes. He nodded slowly. _What if I did it? What if I caused my home world's destruction? _

_No. Stop it. You can't doubt yourself like this. _"I have one memory, it's vague, I don't really understand it."

"Go on," Picard sat back, watching me intently.

"In sickbay, lots of bodies on the biobeds and people crying," I looked down at the table. "I don't know any of the faces..." my voice drifted off, loosing myself in the memory.

"Nat," Counselor Troi put a hand on my shoulder, shaking me lightly. "Nat, snap out of it." I blinked, shaking my head and looked up at her.

"We believe there might be some importance in the information you were looking at before this memory loss occurred," Picard went on. "Counselor Troi will be investigating. Dr Crusher will be trying to find out who caused you to loose your memory in this manner. I promise you, we're going to get to the bottom of this." He was so confident that I let myself, just for a moment, believe him.


	7. Chapter 7

"The room was sealed off when I found you, so everything should be as it was," Counselor Troi told me as we rode down in the turbolift. My stomach felt empty. I wasn't sure if I was hungry or if it was the dread of what might happen. _If I was the cause of my planet's destruction I wouldn't want to remember it. What if I'd taken my own memory because I couldn't handle what I'd done? _Arriving at the door, she keyed in the code and it opened. "Talk me through what happened." She instructed, making sure not to touch anything. I paced around to the desk.

"I was asleep at the desk," I said. "There was an alarm, I could hear an alarm going off. I thought it was my alarm clock waking me up."

"Where was the sound coming from?" Counselor Troi asked. I pointed towards the wall near the door. She pulled out a tricorder and began to scan the area.

"I tried to get up to turn it off, but I fell over," I explained. "My head hurt so I sat back down on the chair. Then you tried contacting me on my communicator." I went to examine the desk closer.

"I'd been trying to contact you for five minutes, but you weren't replying," Counselor Troi said, standing. "There's nothing around here. Perhaps you hallucinated the alarm noise. It's likely, the drugs you had in your system are illegal for good reason." She joined me looking at the desk.

"What was I doing reading all of this?" I asked, pointing at the information on warp drive.

"Warp drive... warp engines..." Counselor Troi skimmed the titles. "With all this information you could build your own warp core." She glanced up at me. _Or destroy one_. The foreboding thought crossed my mind. _Should I say it? How will she react? What will they think if I don't say it? Will they think I am faking? _

"Do you think I'd have the information here to destroy a warp core?" I asked hesitantly. All of the graphs, sums and text just looked like gibberish to me.

"I'll have to ask Lieutenant LaForge or Lieutenant Data about that," Counselor Troi admitted. She'd never really gotten her head around all the mechanical side of Starfleet. "It seems pretty clear to me that you were looking up information about warp drive technology before you lost your memory though, for whatever reason." I flinched, seeing something move in the corner of my vision. My heart beat began to quicken as my eyes darted around the room.

"Can I wait outside?" I queried in a soft voice. Counselor Troi's face snapped up to look at me.

"You don't feel comfortable," she said. "I can come back later to look around." She guided me out of the room with a hand on my elbow, keying in the lock code when we were out. The world seemed to sway around me, so I braced myself against the wall. "Nat, calm down, it's alright," Counselor Troi was speaking in my ear, though I could hardly make out what she was saying over the thumping of my own heart. "Slow, deep breaths, that's it." The world continued to spin whenever I tried to open my eyes, so I just kept them closed. People passed by in the corridor, but I ignored them, focusing instead on not throwing up as my stomach churned endlessly.

"Natalya!" a voice called, running down the corridor. I felt my body lurch as someone ran into me, shoving Counselor Troi to the side and grabbing my shoulders. Opening my eyes, Jeva's image swam before me. Furiously blinking, he shook my shoulders. "Natalya, are you alright? What have you done to her?" he turned, shouting at Counselor Troi.

"Jeva, step back from her," Counselor Troi warned him. He ignored her, turning back to me.

"Natalya, I'm so sorry, I never should have left you alone," Jeva exclaimed, squeezing me tightly. Momentarily I thought I could feel a prick on my arm.

"Let go of me!" I pushed him away with all my might.

"Security to deck 11," Counselor Troi said quickly into her communicator, grabbing Jeva's shoulder in a futile attempt to make him release me.

"I said let go!" I shouted, kicking his shins, but he still held me firm. Something flashed in his eyes and I screamed as he punched me across the face, my head banging against the wall as I fell back. He let me go, turning to Counselor Troi.

"You Starfleet scum!" he snarled at her. "You corrupted her mind! She doesn't even know who her friends are! You'll pay for what you've done!" He lunged for her and she ducked, barely avoiding his fists. I licked my lips, tasting blood, but I was too busy trying to focus on what I was seeing to pay any attention to it. There was a cool trickle down the side of my face.

"Not so fast," a tall, bearded figure in a red uniform stood behind Jeva. Turning at the sound of the booming voice, the man hit Jeva square with his fist, knocking him out cold. "Are you alright Deanna?" the man held Counselor Troi gently, as if she were a delicate flower.

"Thanks Will," she said to him, her voice only slightly shaking. The security team ran out of the turbolift, securing Jeva before he woke up. "Nat, are you okay?" Counselor Troi appeared by my side. I opened my mouth to speak, but only bile threatened to come up. "We need to get you to sickbay."

"May I?" the man stepped forward. I held still as he hefted me up into his strong, muscular arms. If I wasn't so focused on remaining conscious I would have noticed his dashing blue eyes and the way his uniform fitted his broad shoulders handsomely.


	8. Chapter 8

"Beverly," the man called out as we entered sickbay. Dr Crusher looked up and went straight into autopilot.

"Put her down on the biobed," she instructed, picking up a med kit and coming to my side. "you'll be alright," she tried to reassure me, getting out a device that healed the graze on my head. She then healed the slit in my lip. I tried to speak as the world began to fade into white, my head pounding. "Better?" she asked, looking down at me. Vision going in and out of focus, I managed to make a gurgling sound deep in my throat.

"Can't - breath!" I managed to utter as my throat tightened, like a pair of invisible hands were grasping me around the neck, wringing me for all I was worth. Dr Crusher scanned me quickly with the tricorder.

"Dammit," she uttered, setting to work fast. "Alyssa, 50 cc quartromyillene." A nurse appeared at her side, giving her the dosage in a hypospray. Dr Crusher administered it to my neck. The tightening slowed, but I was still struggling for breath. "Another 75 cc." The nurse obliged, giving her the second dose. Black patches started showing up in my vision, my back arching as my lungs struggled to cooperate with the rest of my body.

It seemed like ages before my airways started to open again. I gasped breath into my starved body, greedily sucking air in. Dr Crusher glanced up at Counselor Troi and the man. "You're lucky you got her here in time," she informed them. "Not many people who are injected with psyominatic poison live to tell the tale."

"Psyominatic poison?" the man asked, confused.

"It acts quickly, who injected it to her?" Dr Crusher demanded.

"Jeva, it must have been Jeva," Counselor Troi deduced. "He was the only other person to touch her." I listened on the bed, my head starting to clear. The edges of my vision were still white.

"Thank you," I managed to whisper to Dr Crusher. She looked down at me.

"You'll need another dose of quartromyillene in an hour," she informed me. "Alyssa, keep an eye on Natalya. Commander Riker, I'd suggest you clean yourself up." She smiled fondly at Will. There were patches of blood on his uniform - my blood - from when he'd carried me.

"Right away Doctor," Alyssa replied, getting something to clean Riker's uniform.

"You should have seen the other guy," Riker joked as Alyssa cleaned him up quickly. I smiled, watching from the bed. My body still felt tingly and a little numb.

"I'm going to the brig to speak to this Jeva," Dr Crusher told them. "Someone willing to use psyominatic poison isn't leaving any space for chance." She left quickly, striding out the door, her blue coat billowing behind her.

"He tried to kill me," I frowned. The three of them, the nurse Dr Crusher had called Alyssa, Commander Riker and Counselor Troi, turned to me. "He said he was my friend and he tried to kill me." A tear rolled down my cheek.

"But he didn't, and he won't be getting anymore chances," Commander Riker assured me.

"You're safe here," Alyssa added. _There isn't a guard beside the door this time._


	9. Chapter 9

The turbolift doors shut behind Dr Crusher as she headed to the brig. _Psyominatic poison. How could anyone stoop so low? _It had been banned in the Federation since it's discovery over a hundred years before. Thankfully an antidote had been found, but it was no use in most situations because of how fast the poison worked. She clenched her jaw, hands bunched into fists with anger running through her veins. Jeva was going to receive a piece of her mind!

Striding into the brig, she went to the officer on duty. "Have you spoken to him yet?" she demanded. He looked at her in surprise.

"Who?" he asked, oblivious.

"Jeva, the refugee from the planet that attacked Counselor Troi and a girl!" Dr Crusher exclaimed as the officer gave her a blank expression. "He tried to kill her with psyominatic poison!" This got a reaction. His eyes widened in surprise.

"He's through here Doctor," Worf appeared around the corner. Dr Crusher followed him gladly. He led her to a security cell where Jeva was lying, facing away from them on the bed. "He is refusing to speak."

"Don't let him touch anyone, he injected Nat with psyominatic poison," Dr Crusher said. Jeva's head perked up.

"What?" He demanded, still not facing him.

"You were the only person who could have done it," Dr Crusher told him.

"Psyominatic poison is illegal," Worf stated.

"Yes, and somehow Jeva got hold of some," Dr Crusher replied. They heard Jeva swear quietly to himself, standing up and beginning to pace around his cell.

"They gave it to me, I didn't know what it was, I didn't ask," Jeva babbled. "Oh Natalya what have I done?! I never meant to hurt her I swear."

"I find that hard to believe since psyominatic poison kills within minutes," Dr Crusher rebuked.

"You admit you injected Natalya with psyominatic poison?" Worf asked.

"I don't know, I don't know what it was," Jeva quickened his pace as he feared for the worst. He hit his fists against the wall. "Yes, I did inject her with something, but I honestly have no idea what was in that vial. Please believe me! Why would they make me kill her?" He hit his head against the wall once, twice, three times. "Is Nat alright?"

"She's survived if that's what you mean," Dr Crusher informed him.

"Good," he muttered. "Tell her I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry." He slowly walked back to the bed, curling up in his previous position, not facing them. Dr Crusher and Worf went back around the corner, seeing Jeva had said all he would for the minute.

"It seems we've found a lead," Dr Crusher said to Worf.

"It would appear so," Worf nodded. "I shall interrogate him further once he has rested."

"Keep an eye on him," Dr Crusher agreed. "I'll head back to sickbay and make my report." She paused momentarily outside the doors. _Something doesn't feel right..._ Shaking her head to try and remove the thought, she headed back to sickbay.


	10. Chapter 10

"Do you mind staying with Nat while I go check her room again?" Counselor Troi asked Commander Riker in a low voice across the room, watching me sidelong. _I wish they wouldn't do that..._ my hands shook.

"Deanna, you shouldn't go back there on your own," Riker said with true concern for his closest friend. _Are they only friends?_ He sorely wished they could be more than just friends.

"Okay, I'll ask Worf for an officer to accompany me," Counselor Troi replied. Commander Riker nodded, accepting this compromise. She headed out as he leaned against the biobed beside me. Nurse Ogawa came by every few minutes to check on me, or glanced across the room at my vital signs displayed on a screen above my head.

"So, you're Natalya," Commander Riker crossed his arms over his chest, giving me a quizzical look.

"Yeah, that's me," I replied. I wasn't sure if he wanted me to reply, but I did anyway. This man had just helped save my life, I wasn't going to be rude to him.

"Have you ever played parrises squares?" he asked with a smile. The name rang no bells.

"Not that I can remember," I answered hoonestly. He imediately regretted asking.

"Sorry, Counselor Troi told me about -" he gestured at his head to mean my memory loss.

"You probably know more about me than I do," I admitted, a lump forming in the back of my throat. Instead of moving up to do anything or sink back down and go away, it just sat there, considering its options. "Have we met before? You seem familiar, but I have no idea how."

"Not to my knowledge," Riker answered, frowning in thought. He smiled. "Maybe I just have one of those faces." We remained in silence for a while, the beeps of computers keeping time. "Counselor Troi has sometimes said I need to work on my beside manner," he tried to joke, standing up and pacing a little. I didn't know what to say, so I didn't say anything. There wasn't anything we could discuss, but him just being there was strangely comforting. The hiss of the doors signified Dr Crusher's return. I could hear her stride quickly into her office. "I wouldn't want to be at the sharp end of her temper," Riker joked quietly, looked off after Dr Crusher.

"Are you and Counselor Troi..." I started, but didn't know how the finish the question. Riker half smiled. "Sorry, I shouldn't be prying."

"Don't worry about it," Riker brushed it off. "We were together for a while several years ago, things changed, we're good friends now." _There's something more though... does he still like her? _I pushed the thoughts aside, determined not to make a fool of myself. A frown creased his brow as he sniffed loudly. "Can you smell that?" he asked me, head flitting around the room. Over the other side, Nurse Ogawa broke out in a coughing fit. His eyes moved to the air ventilation system as I watched him curiously. There was a fine mist coming out, which he knew was a bad sign. "Gas leak, everybody out!" he shouted, pressing his communicator badge. "Captain, we have a gas leak in sickbay." _  
_

"Acknowledged Number One," Picard answered. "It just came up. Mr Data and Geordi and looking into it. Evacuate sickbay." The red warning lights flashed on around the room as the few patients and staff rushed to the exits. The room started to cloud. A whisk of blue, I could just make out Dr Crusher rush past, an arm covering her airways as the gas burned down my trachea into my lungs. Coughing, I tried to follow them out. _Get out. Get out. Get out._ I tripped over in the rush.

"No you don't," Riker grabbed my wrist, pulling me up, nearly dragging me out behind him.

"Is everyone out?" Ogawa asked at the door.

"WAIT!" Riker bellowed, shoulder forward as he charged through with me in tow. Dr Crusher looked up and down the small group of people.

"That's everyone, seal it off," she ordered. Ogawa did as she asked, shutting off sickbay. I collapsed against the wall, still coughing, as Riker bent over with his hands on his knees, catching his breath. A pain in my side stopped me from breathing deeply, still coughing. "Scan everyone. Who knows what that gas was." Dr Crusher ordered. Ogawa made her way around the group with her tricorder. A couple people were coughing lightly. I struggled to breath in enough air between coughs. "Nat, here," Dr Crusher said, giving me a hypospray of something. My coughing eased enough that I could breath, but the pain in my side remained. "Alyssa, how is everyone?" Dr Crusher asked when Ogawa had finished.

"Everyone's fine, the gas is just leaving their system," Ogawa reported. I didn't feel fine. Dr Crusher brought out her own tricorder and scanned me.

"Oh my gosh!" she breathed, eyes widening as she stared at the small device. I could feel a lump rise up in my throat as I coughed again. _That's not nerves... there's something in my throat!_ I coughed, trying to get out the obstruction. Dr Crusher supported my back as a small red bloody piece of flesh came up. I spat it into my hand, a fine red mist following it. "Alyssa, med kit!" Dr Crusher ordered. Alyssa ran off down the corridor to the emergency med kits as sick bay was off limits. "Nat, try to breath slowly," Dr Crusher told me. I did as she asked, taking small, slow, shallow breaths. _My lungs are on fire._


	11. Chapter 11

Commander Riker paced around, watching as Dr Crusher treated me in the secondary sickbay. I'd been unconscious for quite some time. The gas had only affected me it seemed.

"Will, what happened?" Counselor Troi asked, rushing in.

"There was some sort of gas leak, only Nat seems to have been affected," he explained in a soft voice.

"Is she going to be alright?" Counselor Troi asked them, looking between Dr Crusher and Commander Riker. He looked to Dr Crusher as well. She hadn't spoken much since she'd started treating me. There was a device sitting just above my collar bone injecting medications straight into my blood stream, a tube in my mouth. My body had gone pale and felt colder than usual to the touch.

"I think so," Dr Crusher told them. She didn't want to say she wasn't certain. I'd been unconscious for so long and it had taken some time to get me to the secondary sickbay.

"Beverly," Counselor Troi started, but stopped when Dr Crusher flashed a look at her.

* * *

_Ouch. _My eyes didn't want to open. I tried to lick my lips to moisten them, but my tongue wouldn't move.

"She's waking up," a voice said nearby. _Do I know that voice? I know that voice. Nurse... Nurse... Nurse Ogawa? Yeah, Nurse Ogawa. _Machines were beeping around me. I could feel a weight above my collar bone, cold and metal.

"Nat, can you open your eyes?" another voice asked. _Who's that? The red haired doctor lady? Dr Crusher? _My eyes fought with me once again. Giddiness washed over me. "Nat, squeeze my hand if you can hear me," Dr Crusher said, putting her hand into mine. I squeezed it gently, not having the energy to move very much. "She's responding at least," Dr Crusher said to someone. _Who is she speaking to? _Curiosity took me and I managed to open my eyes a slither. Blinking to adjust to the bright lights above me, shapes began to form. "Don't try to speak," Dr Crusher told me, seeing my eyes were open.

"Thank goodness, she's alright," a man's voice said a little further away. _Commander Riker?_ I tried to lift my head to see, but my neck didn't want to move. None of me wanted to move. Two more shapes entered my vision and began to take focus - Counselor Troi and Commander Riker. _Commander Riker... he dragged me from the room. He could have left me there, but he protected me._ I instinctively reached out, grabbing his hand, staring into his eyes.

"It looks like you have a new friend," Counselor Troi teased him. I tried to swallow down, but couldn't. _There's something in my throat! _My eyes widened, trying to work out where I was.

"You're okay," Dr Crusher assured me. "We had to move to the secondary sickbay. The gas reacted with the remnants of the drug in your system. There's a hypo-line injecting more oxygen into your blood and a tube down your throat so you can breath.

"We have to keep it there until it's healed enough for you to breath without it," Dr Crusher added. I looked over to Commander Riker, still holding his hand. _Are you okay? _I thought, watching him. He didn't seem injured at all.

"I'm afraid I have to get back to work," Counselor Troi excused herself. I watched her leave as Dr Crusher worked on the hypo-line.

"I have it injecting anesthetics so you don't feel any pain," Dr Crusher explained as she worked. Nurse Ogawa wheeled over a device on a table. "This will repair your lungs." Dr Crusher informed me, setting it up so it sat over my chest. I could still move my arms. She adjusted the bed so it was in a more reclined chair like position. "Ready?" she asked me. I nodded, unable to speak with the tube in my mouth. She activated the device and a blue light shone onto my chest. I didn't feel anything for a few seconds when -

"AARHGASG," the sound came out from around the tube in my mouth as my face contorted with pain, my hands clenched into fists. Dr Crusher quickly adjusted the settings on the hypo-line.

"Seems the gas did more damage than I thought," she said absently. I heard the hiss of the hypo-line as it injected me with more anesthetics. "You will feel dizzy and tired, but shouldn't feel pain. Sorry about that." She put a hand on my shoulder as I relaxed. "Better?" she asked. I looked at her and nodded. Riker patted my hand gently on the other side. Turning to him, I saw he was watching me, concerned. I was still holding his hand. The main doors hissed open and a bald man entered. "I'll come back and check on you." Dr Crusher promised, going to the bald man. Commander Riker saw me watching the bald man and Dr Crusher step out to the corridor.

"That's Captain Picard," Commander Riker explained. _Oh! I know him! _I recalled the meeting in the observation lounge. My brain felt like cotton wool when I tried to think. _Please don't be more memory loss... _I feared silently. We sat in silence. "I should probably go... they might need me on the bridge," Riker said more for himself than me. When he tried to let go of my hand, I held on. Our eyes met. _Please don't leave me _I tried to plead. "They can call me if they need me," Riker said, sitting back down. "How about I tell you a story?" I nodded, half smiling around the tube. He began telling about some of the Enterprise's adventures, all the way back when the crew first assembled.

Eventually my eyelids grew tired, slowing their movements with each blink. I kept watching him until they refused to open again. His deep voice flowed through the air to my ears like music. He had a good voice, confident in what he said. The words began to drift pass me until I was just listening to the sound of his voice.


	12. Chapter 12

Dr Crusher returned from her brief meeting with Captain Picard to find me asleep with Commander Riker watching, still holding my hand. He'd stopped talking when the display had signified I was sleeping.

"Would you like some lunch?" Dr Crusher offered. He hadn't realised how hungry he was until that point. It had been a long morning.

"What time is it?" he asked her. She glanced at the chronometer.

"Almost 1400 hours," she replied. He raised his eyebrows with surprise. "The replicator is in the office," Dr Crusher gestured for him to follow. He released my hand, laying it by my side on the bed. As soon as he no longer contacted my skin, I awoke with a jerk, eyes wide, looking up at them both in shock.

"I was just going to the next room to get some lunch," Riker explained to me, gesturing over his shoulder. I blinked at him, my hands shaking slightly.

"I'll get you something, you sit with Natalya," Dr Crusher assured him. "What would you like?"

"Cheese toasted sandwich thanks," Riker told her, moving to sit beside me again. Nurse Ogawa had gotten him a stool while I slept. He reached out and held my hand, stroking it to calm me down. It worked; my hands stopped shaking. When Dr Crusher returned, I released his hand so he could eat. Dr Crusher went to the office to work. When he finished, he set the plate aside, crossing his arms. He tried to keep eye contact with me, but he looked away. I continued to watch him. "Sorry, it's just-" he stopped, glancing up at me. _He should try being the one breathing through a tube. _I reached out my hand and he held it, looking away once more. Squeezing it gently, I tried to assure him that I was (as much as I could be) okay.

"You're very brave, you know that?" he told me, looking up. I rolled my eyes. _Brave? Seriously? Come on, I won't even let you go into another room to eat lunch and you're called me brave?_ "In a few days you've lost your memory and had two attacks on your life." _Okay... perhaps he might have a point? _the ego side of my brain chimed in. That was all the chime I'd let it have. It was the other side's turn. _Two attacks? The gas thing was targeted at_ me?!

* * *

Dr Crusher sat at the desk in her office, going through more paperwork. It seemed that was all she did some days, filling out file after file and sending them to Starfleet to be cataloged.

"Dr Crusher, please send a medical team to the brig," Worf's urgent voice sounded. Well, urgent by Worf standards.

"Acknowledge," Dr Crusher stood, gathering a kit and selecting a young male junior nurse to accompany her. "What's the problem?" she asked, striding through the sickbay to the corridor.

"Jeva is unconscious and not breathing," Worf informed her. She broke into a run.


End file.
